It seems only fitting to follow my blog about the author of the Fear of Flying with a blog about the fear of failure.
Like many of you, I grew up in a family with incredible standards. My father was a nationally known legal scholar.
Growing up in Cleveland, his name was synonymous with brilliance. Both of my brothers were continually recognized for their academic accomplishments. I did well in the subjects I enjoyed, but I also think I decided to be the family’s ‘party girl’ to avoid the competition. All of the grounding and the lectures about my grades and my potential went right through me. It wasn’t until I went away to school, away from the pressure, that I began to enjoy my learning. I found academic success on my own terms. By the time I was in school for my 2nd Masters’ degree, I had received multiple awards for my writing. But as I reach the finish line with Rain Dodging, I find I am procrastinating with the marketing side of getting published, and I can’t help but think of the fear of failure.
Did you know there is an actual term for it? It is atychiphobia, (pronounced a-tick-e-phobia) Kakorraphiophobia (pronounced kak-or-rhaph-io-phobia) is the fear of rejection.
Guy Winch, Ph.D., suggests: Own the fear. It is important to accept that failure makes you feel both fear and shame, and to find trusted others with whom you can discuss these feelings. Bringing these feelings to the surface can help prevent you from expressing them through unconscious efforts to sabotage yourself, and getting reassurance and empathy from trusted others can bolster your feelings of self-worth while minimizing the threat of disappointing them. Focus on aspects in your control. Identify aspects of the task or preparation that are in your control and focus on those. Brainstorm ways to reframe aspects of the task that seem out of your control such that you regain control of them.
Author and investor Tim Ferriss advises a “fear list.” He calls it “fear-setting,” creating a checklist of what you are afraid to do and what you fear will happen if you do it. Doing this enabled him to tackle some of his hardest challenges, resulting in some of his biggest successes.
Career transition coach Susan Peppercorn offers this uplifting reminder: It’s when you feel comfortable that you should be fearful because it’s a sign that you’re not stepping far enough out of your comfort zone to take steps that will help you rise and thrive. By rethinking your fears as a teacher and guide to help you achieve your most important goals.
“You can’t let your failures define you. You have to let your failures teach you.” –Barack Obama
I am a strong proponent of mindful breathing: Entrepreneur Vanessa Loder suggests that the next time you notice yourself feel afraid of something not working out, sit quietly by yourself, set your timer for two minutes, and start taking deep breaths. Notice where you feel tightness or tension in your body, and simply breathe deeply into that area for two minutes. When the timer goes off after two minutes, chances are the feelings will have shifted. The more you do this, the more you will trigger your body’s natural calm response and you will move through fear with greater ease.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” –Confucius
Do you relate? Let me know!
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/fear-of-failure.htm
https://hbr.org/2018/12/how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-failure
